You can be the lucky winner of $4.5 million in Franklin Enterprise stock
Your attention please. Drum roll. Larry Franklin, publisher of The Clinton Chronicle, has announced he will match all of the Facebook stock that Mark Zuckerberg gave away just before Christmas.
Everyone who received Facebook stock from Zuckerberg will receive an equal number of shares in Franklin Enterprises, LLC. To receive the free FE stocks, the lucky Facebookers need only to turn in their Zuckerberg stock in person at 513 North Broad St., Clinton, SC, USA.
This is not a hoax, Franklin said to this columnist. It was on Good Morning America.
“I will cap my giveaway at $45 billion in FE stock,” Franklin said, the amount that Zuckerberg was poised to giveaway according to a large number of Facebook posts the days leading up to Christmas.
Anyone who wants to be eligible for the Franklin Enterprises stock must copy and paste this column into a status update IMMEDIATELY.
At midnight two days before day after tomorrow, Franklin said he will search through all the posts and give 1,000 people up to $4.5 million in FE stock.
Your friendly columnist hasn’t been able to confirm that Franklin will actually do this, but, what do you have to lose. I’m going to do it. I could sure use $4.5 million in stock in a non-existent low-tech company.
If you’re a real friend of mine and you love Jesus, you’ll share this column with all your friends. I know only 5% of you will do it. Will you be one of the 5%? The Lord wants you to.
Why do you think we’ve had all this rain? Not enough of y’all are sharing that rain is from the Bible. Remember Moses? How about Noah?
I’ve got about 300 more words to share with you (see I’m a compulsive sharer) and then you need to put down this newspaper and get on Facebook and post a picture of your dinner.
You need to tell us how great your wife is and how she’s your best friend. You need to make sure we all know your kids are awesome and better than my kids. (That may be true, but if you think your grandkids are better than my grandkids, you’ve taken a blow to your Confucius Institute.)
I haven’t seen a picture of today’s sunset wherever you are. Get busy. Tell me about the homeless man who started singing on a street corner and had everyone crying within minutes. And he was a decorated veteran.
How come we have the money to buy Syrian refugees big new houses and our homeless veterans who sing on street corners have to use a $5 pawnshop guitar?
Enough of that. Cut and paste and wait to hear that you’re one of the lucky 1,000 winners.
As I was driving through Clinton recently, I couldn’t help but wonder why some banks are open on Saturdays.
Almost all banking is done electronically now. Deposits, payments. Banks don’t want you coming in their buildings Monday through Friday. Why would a bank’s grand poobah think we need to come see them on Saturday? What do I need to do in a bank on Saturday morning but I can’t do online on Friday afternoon?
This Saturday, I’m going to go sit in the bank parking lot and post pictures of people going inside. Wonder how many of them will be putting their Franklin Enterprises stock in a safe deposit box?
(Do banks still have safe deposit boxes?)