Why are you surprised that you got arrested?
Riddle me this: why do people look sad in mug shots?
Most of the time, people get arrested because they’ve been dumb. In addition to being criminal.
They can’t be so dumb they’re surprised they were arrested, can they?
I have a Facebook friend (who is pretty close to being a real friend) who, from time to time, seeks Facebook friend input about how he should pose for his mug shot.
It’s just a matter of time, he contends. And he wants to be ready. No sad or surprised mug shot for him.
There are websites (plural) devoted to celebrity mug shots. One of them that I encountered doing research was broken down into categories: B-List, business, gangsters, historical, Hollywood, killers, music, nuisances, politics, sports and television.
That same website has page after page of mug shots of just plain old folks (such as my Facebook friend).
That section is also broken down into categories: bad attitude, classics, cleavage, college, fogeys (I think they meant foggies), funny faces, grills, hair, Hawaiian shirts, message t-shirts, NASCAR, Obama, ouch, Pacino, pretty perps, strippers, tattoos, topless men, topless women, tramp stamps, uniforms, unusual suspects, weepy and well dressed.
I clicked on Obama. Wanted to see if President Trump had arrested him. Turns out to be people wearing Obama t-shirts.
I clicked on NASCAR. Kyle Busch and Tony Stewart. Not really. It’s men wearing NASCAR t-shirts. Not a single Jeff Gordon t-shirt in the bunch because Gordon fans are, of course, God-fearing Christians who would never be arrested.
There were four pages of Pretty Perps. It appears some of them were repeated on the Stripper page, but I’d have to do much in-depth research before I could say for sure.
I accidentally clicked on both the Topless Women page and the Cleavage Page. Thirty minutes later, I realized what I had accidentally done, and quickly closed out both pages. That’s all I have to report about that.
In a totally unrelated thought, the GEICO insurance commercial with IceT has replaced the Jake from State Farm commercial as my all-time favorite commercial in the insurance category. It is in the top 3 of all-time favorites, all categories.
If you haven’t seen it, go to The Google and type in GEICO + Ice T.
The scene opens with a couple kids operating a lemonade stand in a pretty nice neighborhood. Passersby keep asking them, “Is that Ice T?” and they keep responding, “No, it’s lemonade.”
The camera pans back to Ice T sitting in a lawn chair. When the next person asks, “Is that Ice T,” he says, “No, man. It’s lemonade. Delicious!”
Sorry, Jake. But that’s funnier than khakis and a golf shirt.
(Larry Franklin is publisher of The Chronicle. His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org. Read his blog at MyClintonNews.com.)