LARRY - Naked & Afraid on TV
There is a television show on The Discovery Channel with an intriguing name: Naked and Afraid. I am not making that up.
I confess at this moment that I’ve never watched it, so I’m offering you my opinions about something I know very little about. (I’ll pause now while all my faithful readers turned to the person with whom they plan to spend the rest of their lives and say, “So what’s new?”
Thanks to the interweb, I have learned a bit about Naked and Afraid. I began this thirst for naked knowledge after seeing a promo on Discovery letting me know an upcoming episode was going to feature a third naked person and “she’s hot.”
Each episode features two naked people – 1 man and 1 woman. Prior to being chosen for the show, they don’t know each other. They must survived for 21 days in the wilderness.
Most of the shows are filmed in Louisiana, Florida and Alabama, with an occasional Panama, Nicaragua and Malasia thrown in so people from other continents can see naked Americans.
The reason I know the unexpected third naked person is “hot” is because the male cast member (make up your own joke) said she is. I’ll take his word for it, because, to me, she looked like somebody who badly needs a bath. And I’m betting by Day 21, she also smells.
Because N&A is a television show, there must be a camera crew, of course. But crew members are not allowed to intervene except for medical emergencies and, even then, it must be “absolutely necessary,” according to the interweb.
Each naked person is allowed one “helpful item,” such as a hatchet or a fire starter. Although I can promise you I’ll never be a cast member, I think my helpful item would be a boat or a truck.
During the 21 days, the two (or three) naked people try to find a way to survive by finding food and shelter. They must also reach an extraction location by the deadline.
Viewers are kept up-to-date on how many days have passed, the time (not sure why) and the temperature. The temperature is easy: if the naked people have chill bumps, it’s cold; if they are sweating, it’s hot.
With shame, I confess to you that I watched the very first season of Survival, which was won by a guy who, for reasons I forget, stayed naked the entire time.
I’m thinking that’s when the idea was planted with the geniuses who run The Discovery Channel. Another confession: I enjoy watching Gold Rush and Building Off The Grid on Discovery. My favorite Discovery show, by far, is Moonshiners. I am a big fan of Tim and Tickle.
Discovery is a pay channel and it’s available in 409 million households worldwide. That means 409,000,000 households have the opportunity – each week – to see two dirty, naked Americans.
At this time, I will leave each of you to make up your own joke. Extra points if it includes Individual 1.
(Larry Franklin is retired and lives in Clinton.)